12 Ways to Persuade without Manipulating

There is a fine line between persuading someone and trying to manipulate the way that they think. And when you’re in a loving relationship, you should be focusing on the positive aspects of persuasion and discussion, rather than ways to trick someone into agreeing with you.

1.Honesty is truly the best policy

It can’t be stressed enough that being honest about what you want is that best way to start influencing your relationship because it creates a no-games way of looking at problems and conflicts. Instead of your partner wondering what you mean, they will know exactly what you need.

2.Know what you want

And do you already know what you want? Many times, manipulation is easier for those that don’t really know what they want to achieve from a discussion. In order to avoid this, you will want to make sure that you have a clear idea of what you want share with your partner and what you want to achieve as a result.

3.Acknowledge what they want

But it’s not just about you either. You need to be sure that you know what your partner wants in the situation as well. Ask them to be clear about the way that they want your relationship to be, and then be sure to acknowledge that in your persuasion. A partnership includes two people.

4.Realize that you can’t change minds

You won’t always be able to change their mind, nor should that be a goal of yours. What you do want to do is persuade them to look at a situation or problem in the way that you are. They might have other ideas that they want to share with you; other perspectives that you might not understand. And from their own way of thinking, they might never change their way of looking at things.

5.Honesty anyone?

Once again, when you refuse to build a relationship on lies, you can move from conflict into resolution much more efficiently. When you find yourself in a lie, you will want to explain yourself immediately and then correct the wrong statement.

6.Information is best

When you want to correct a problem or smooth a situation in a relationship, you will want to get the facts straight so that you can present your case accurately. Instead of using facts that would help your persuasion, you will want to use the real facts. For example, instead of saying the other person never wants to do anything, show examples of how this happens.

7.Let them talk too


But again, this isn’t all about you. You need to hear what your partner thinks and feels as well to start moving toward some sort of compromise. Ask them what they think about what you have said and whether there’s anything else that they might want to add. Try to engage them in dialogue so it’s not a one-sided conversation.

8.Admit when you’re wrong

And you will be wrong in your thinking or ideas, so be sure to admit that. Partners like it when you admit to being fallible. We all make mistakes and we’re much more likely to listen to those that admit to doing so.

9.Honesty once more

When you have ulterior motivations for your discussions with a partner, you are creating a situation in which only one of you is benefiting from a promise or a solution. Instead of what kind of situation, why not be honest about what you’re really trying to achieve?

10.Choose common ground

If you choose a location for your discussion that you are comfortable in, but your partner is not, you will automatically put them on the defensive. Instead, choose a place that is neutral and gives no one the advantage. Or if you’re the one that wants to have the discussion, have your partner choose where you will talk.

11.Pick the right time

Being rushed or tired is not a good way to feel during an important discussion. You want to choose a time that works out best for the both of you. This might mean that you both have to clear your schedules or make time available – but it creates the best possible conditions.

12.Honesty always

Just in case you didn’t already realize it, being honest is the only way to avoid manipulation. Even the tiniest infraction will lead to further distrust of each other.

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Source: http://personals.netscape.com/story/2007/01/18/12-ways-to-persuade-without-manipulating

10 Ways to Beef up Your Leadership Skills

Have you ever heard someone say, “Actually, I have to admit that I think I am really bad at managing other people. My staff all hate me and I'm incapable of doing my job”.

The answer is no, of course. No one says this either because they don't believe it, or because they don't want to appear incompetent. Unfortunately research tells us that from the employees' perspective, there aren't that many terrific managers out there.

What should we take out of this dichotomy? Perhaps at the least, we could all admit to ourselves that there is room for some improvement in the way we lead others. After all, it's not the sort of skill that is easy to get 100% right all of the time. It might just be that we don't specifically know what improvements to make, so here's 10 ways to start:

1. Get a reality check.

Finding out what others think of our leadership style can be real eye-opener, and is often the most powerful driver for change. Using a 360 survey where you receive feedback from your staff, peers and manager, gives you some concrete information on a sometimes intangible subject. Use an existing tool (and there are some highly regarded ones out there) or else simply let your staff know that you are seeking feedback from them in order to improve your style.

A word of caution though, your staff may not feel safe in giving feedback if they believe you are going to use it against them, or become defensive about what they say. It's up to you to create a safe environment so they feel comfortable in being open and honest with you.

2. Don't use the power of your position to get things done.

If people are questioning why certain things are done, or the logic of decisions, never pull rank in response. A critical component of effective leadership is getting the buy-in from your team and colleagues. You don't get buy-in by telling them that the decision is the right one because you are the boss and you made it. Your team may not always agree with what is being done, but they are more likely to respect you if you take the time to explain your rationale.

3. Don't think of employees as things that need to be controlled or managed.

Instead, give them the latitude to take actions and make decisions. Trust is a vital component of leadership. If you can't trust people to do their jobs well, then you either have the wrong people in the jobs, or you have the right people but you haven't trained them sufficiently. Let them do what they are there to do, without leaning over their shoulders all the time, or demand to know how they spend each minute of their time.

4. Listen, listen listen.

If there are unhappy or disgruntled people in your business, you can guarantee that at some stage they've tried to tell you what the problem is. It's likely you weren't listening (or didn't want to listen), or perhaps your initial reaction made the person think twice about bringing the problem to you. Truly listening is one of the greatest skills to develop, regardless of your role. Good listeners are genuinely interested, convey empathy, and want to find out what's behind the conversation. Great leaders are great listeners -without exception.

5. Stop providing solutions.

Managers often achieve their positions after being technical specialists, and so will have an opinion or view on how to "fix" situations or problems. They believe that it's faster to tell someone what to do, or do it themselves, than give their employees an opportunity to figure it out. By always providing the answers, managers take away opportunity for their employees to learn and come up with alternative (and potentially better) ways of doing things.

6. Always be constructive - always.

Language and communication skills set great leaders apart from mediocre ones. Don't patronise or be critical of others - take complete responsibility for how you are heard. If you catch yourself about to make negative remarks, take a breath and rephrase your words to get your message across without the emotional attachment. Great leaders always find a way to say things calmly and constructively.

7. Judge your success by the success of your team.

The true success of a leader can be measured by the success of the people that work for them. As a manager of others, your prime responsibility is to ensure the success and development of your team. If they are successful, you will automatically be successful. Focus on building their skills and removing obstacles in their way. If you can achieve this, you will see the results in the productivity, motivation and satisfaction of your employees. This in turn filters through to bottom-line results.

8. Don't do things just because they will “look good”.

Nothing is more transparent than managers who make decisions and behave in ways simply to look good to their superiors. If you want to improve as a leader, one of the qualities you need is integrity. The integrity to make decisions because they are right, and the integrity to stand up when you truly believe something is not in the best interests of the business. Whether or not it is in your personal best interests is much less of a consideration.

9. Include humour in your diet.

Nobody likes to work in an environment that is devoid of any fun. People are more productive when they are enjoying themselves. Creating a workplace where fun is permitted and encouraged can make a significant difference, and it's even more effective when the boss participates. It increases team spirit, and encourages people to see you as a person, not simply as the boss.

10. Let people get to know the real you.

Being open about yourself helps to break down the barriers that hierarchy puts in place. When your employees know the person behind the façade, that's when you start to build the foundations of good leadership - trust and respect.

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Source: http://digg.com/business_finance/10_Ways_to_Beef_up_Your_Leadership_Skills