Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts

Monday, April 23, 2007

5 Tips To Supercharge Your Motivation

Motivation is the driving force behind life-enhancing change. It comes from knowing exactly what you want to do and having an insatiable, burning desire to do what’s necessary to get it. It keeps your dream on track as it is the power of motivation that keeps you going when the going gets tough.
Here’s 5 top tips to help you supercharge your motivation:

1. Create a picture board and fill it with images of your desired goals. The car you want to own, the house you want to live in, the area where you want to live yes, they’re the obvious ones. Others could be pictures of holiday destinations, trophies, first-class travel tickets, clothes you want to buy, fine restaurants you want to frequent – whatever you can think of that gets your pulse racing.

2. GET ANGRY. If you want to change your life for the better then get angry about where you’re at now. Having a blasé attitude towards change isn’t what’s needed and it won’t create a strong desire within you. So ask: “Why do I want to change?” Is it because you’re FED UP with debts? Does your job DRIVE YOU CRAZY? Is your life DULL AND PRECITABLE? Are you SICK AND TIRED of doing the same thing week in week out? Are you BORED BEYOND BELIEF by the dull, uninspiring, unhappy people you associate with? THEN GET ANGRY ABOUT IT. And I mean REAL ANGRY. Write it all down, all of the frustrating, unrewarding, miserable lot of it that makes every day a dull slog until your final days. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

3. Speaking of your final days, start to appreciate the value of time. Time is one of the most precious resources you have and it is also a NON RENEWABLE resource. You can either use it fully or squander it. If you want to create change you’re going to have to invest a lot of time to make it happen. Start to reduce the time you waste on irrelevancies: Television, newspapers, lie-ins, weekends spent shopping, partying, dining out, visiting an endless line of relatives and friends – these won’t help you get what you want and all of them will rob time from you. Valuable time that you can use much more effectively by investing it in YOU. Remember this: You have a finite amount of time here on Earth. You don’t know how much time you have – no one does. But it’s how you use the time you have that counts. So make your time count and that means starting from right NOW.

4. Conformity. Are you a mindless little sheep who’s way too timid to pursue your own way? Do you have to follow where everyone else goes, doing exactly what everyone else does and therefore, who gets the same levels of happiness as all the other little sheep? Seriously, does this describe YOU? Are you too frightened to be different than all of the other sheep because they wouldn’t like it if you decided to follow a different path? So you dutifully trot along following all the other sheep because if they’re doing it then that’s how it is right? But if you do what everyone else does you’ll just get what everyone else gets. Do you want to be a mindless, timid little sheep who blindly follows all the other sheep? Or do you want to be a leader, a warrior who possesses the courage to be uniquely you and to do what you want to do and make your dreams happen? If so then this means you have to be more like a tiger than a sheep. Do you really want to be a sheep? I mean, haven’t we got enough sheep already?

5. Fear your fear. Fear is the force that is determined to stop you in your tracks and rob your dreams from you. But it can only do this if you let it. Are you going to let this cruel destructive charlatan trample on your dreams, steal your happiness and crush your spirit? Imagine this thought haunting your final days: “I didn’t do the things I wanted because I was too frightened to live”. And by then, it’ll be far too late to conquer fear. Refuse to let fear spoil your life and start taking action – now!

The world is waiting for your unique gifts. Why keep it waiting any longer?

Article Directory: http://www.articlecube.com

Chris Green is the author of the new book “Conquering Fear”, a special program which will show you how to conquer fear and attract greater happiness, success and prosperity into your life. For more info, click here => www.conqueringfear.net

Monday, February 26, 2007

5 Great Ways to Motivate Yourself

Category: Motivation
Motivation is a key to success. If you are a motivated person, then you will very likely be success in everything you do. In fact, research shows that motivation is the key behind the expert minds. People who are motivated will be very successful in their learning process. And so will in other areas of life.

The problem is, it’s not easy to be motivated, let alone be motivated for the whole day. There are times when challenges and problems strike us and make us feel bad. Or maybe there is no real problem, but we just feel that our energy level is low throughout the day.

Well, don’t let this happens. Be motivated and energized throughout the day ! Here is how:

  1. Rise early
    I don’t know about you, but for me, rising early is a kind of magic. It makes me feel more enthusiastic and energized throughout the day. Maybe it’s because by rising early I can start the day fresh without having to rush on everything. I would have more time to be prepared mentally and physically to face the day.
  2. Pick “quote of the day”
    Pick your favorite quote in the morning and keep it in mind throughout the day. Of course, the quote should be something that motivate and inspire you. Then speak out the quote to yourself throughout the day, especially when you think that you need extra motivation. This way, it will be easier to get rid of negative thoughts because you always have something positive to say to yourself.
  3. Find the positive side of everything
    One main cause for losing motivation is thinking negatively about the events which are happening to us. Every time you think negatively about something, you actually lose a part of your energy. Do it for the whole day and you will feel very exhausted and even intimidated.
    So find the positive side of everything. There must be something positive we can get from everything that happens to us. If your effort end up in failure for example, then you know that you can learn something from it. And learning is a positive thing. If you must do something boring, just think of a useful thing you can get from it. There is always positive side on everything, so focus on it and not the negative one.
  4. Focus on giving
    Contributing to others is always motivating. It works for me. I don’t know why, but maybe it’s because by doing so I become less focused on my own problems. It doesn’t mean that I run from the problems, it just means that the problems seem less daunting and intimidating. Why ? Because I’m not just thinking about myself.
    Also, there is something about giving that gives you extra happiness. Brighten someone else’s life today and somehow your life will also be brightened.
  5. Decide to be a winner
    It is your decision that makes the difference between winning and losing. Nothing can make you lose if you don’t allow it to do so. So decide to be a winner. If you decide to be a winner then you will be tough and brave when facing all challenges throughout the day. You will not let problems overcome you. Instead, you will go out and conquer those problems ! You are the winner, so who can resist you ?
15 Ways To Get Really Motivated

7 Easy Ways To Stay Motivated


http://www.lifeoptimizer.org

Monday, February 19, 2007

Top 10 Ways to Improve Your Listening Skills

Active listening is really an extension of the Golden Rule. To know how to listen to someone else, think about how you would want to be listened to. While the ideas are largely intuitive, it might take some practice to develop (or re-develop) the skills. Here’s what good listeners know – and you should, too:

1. Face the speaker. Sit up straight or lean forward slightly to show your attentiveness through body language.

2. Maintain eye contact, to the degree that you and the speaker remain comfortable.

3. Minimize external distractions. Turn off the TV. Put down your book or magazine, and ask the speaker and other listeners to do the same.

4. Respond appropriately to show that you understand. Murmur (“uh-huh” and “um-hmm”) and nod. Raise your eyebrows. Say words such as “Really,” “Interesting,” as well as more direct prompts: “What did you do then?” and “What did she say?”

5. Focus solely on what the speaker is saying. Try not to think about what you are going to say next. The conversation will follow a logical flow after the speaker makes her point.

6. Minimize internal distractions. If your own thoughts keep horning in, simply let them go and continuously re-focus your attention on the speaker, much as you would during meditation.

7. Keep an open mind. Wait until the speaker is finished before deciding that you disagree. Try not to make assumptions about what the speaker is thinking.

8. Avoid letting the speaker know how you handled a similar situation. Unless she specifically asks for advice, assume she just needs to talk it out.

9. Even if the speaker is launching a complaint against you, wait until she finishes to defend yourself. The speaker will feel as though her point had been made. She won’t feel the need to repeat it, and you’ll know the whole argument before you respond. Research shows that, on average, we can hear four times faster than we can talk, so we have the ability to sort ideas as they come in…and be ready for more.

10. Engage yourself. Ask questions for clarification, but, once again, wait until the speaker has finished. That way, you won’t interrupt her train of thought. After you ask questions, paraphrase her point to make sure you didn’t misunderstand. Start with: “So you’re saying…” As you work on improving your listening skills, you may feel a bit panicky when there is a natural pause in the conversation. What should you say next? Learn to settle into the silence and use it to better understand all points of view.

Susie Cortright is the founder of Momscape.com and Momscape's Online Organic and Natural Living Magazine. She is also the creator of Free-Article-Bank.com, featuring free, quality articles for your website, ezine, newsletter, or blog.

15 Ways To Get Really Motivated

First, recognize that motivation is an inside job. The word motivate means to impel, inspire, hope, stimulate, incite, propel, spur, goad, move, induce, prompt, instigate, fire, provoke, actuate, cause, egg on, drive, excite, and to trigger. Don’t wait for someone to motivate you, here are 15 ways you can motivate yourself.

1. Set daily, weekly, monthly, yearly and lifetime goals. A goal is a goal if it’s writing. Goals get you going in the direction that’s right for you.

2. Listen to a motivational tape. Record into a tape recorder your favorite quotes, anecdotes and personal success stories. Play back your tape frequently. Nothing is more motivating than the sound of your own voice. Try it!

3. Get motivated to make better telephone calls by buying Art Sobczak’s new book, “How To Sell More In Less Time With No Rejection.” To order call Art at 402-895-9399.

4. To overachieve every quota you are given take this advice. First write yourself a check dated for 12/31/05 payable to yourself and write how much you want to earn on the amount line. Make three laminated copies and put one in your briefcase, auto console, and home office. Second, always aim higher than the quota you are given. If you adjust your aim, the results will follow.

5. Buy an inspirational book of quotations and keep it in your car. Read three quotes daily. Remember - inspirational words usually inspire us.

6. Invest 15 minutes daily to read books and articles about the selling profession. This is gourmet food for your brain. Don’t skip a day.

7. Get a mentor, preferably one outside of your company. The truly successful people never go it alone.

8. To jack-up your sales performance, prepare your own laminated cue cards. Create cue cards for making appointments, your 12 best questions, for handling the price objection, and for asking for the order. Each cue card should be prepared word-for-word. Your performances will sky-rocket.

9. Buy a composition notebook for your car. Record your successes, failures, and daily observations about your selling environment.

10. Read the “The Ancient Scrolls” an inspiring book by Tim Connor. To order call 800-222-9070.

11. To get motivated about improving your personal financial situation, set a personal net worth goal and write it on a spread sheet, then review it monthly. Self worth increases proportionately with net worth.

12. Tell your family if you achieve 110% or more of your annual sales quota - you’ll take them anywhere they want to go on vacation.

13. Tell your family when you reach a new monthly sales record milestone, you’ll take them out to celebrate.

14. Select one song that really gets you moving and play it every morning as you back out of your driveway.

15. Make a dinner date with your spouse tonight then go some place special.


Every day is a great day, especially if you don’t see your name in the obituary section of the paper.

It's easy to make every day a masterpiece when you're motivated.

Jim Meisenheimer is the creator of No-Brainer Sales Training. His sales techniques and selling skills focus on practical ideas that get immediate results. You can discover all his secrets by contacting him at (800) 266-1268 or by visiting his website: http://www.meisenheimer.com

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

7 Easy Ways To Stay Motivated

by Diane Corriette

You know what it's like. You set yourself a goal, something you want to achieve. You are excited and ready to take on the world, and then a few months later you can't even be bothered to spend 10 minutes working towards achieving it. Well welcome to being human! It is so easy to go from excitement to complete apathy but there are things you can do to ensure you stay motivated towards your goal and following are seven great ones!

1. Is Your Reason WHY Large Enough?

When I wanted to lose weight setting a goal to look great in clothes was not big enough, what didn't help was the fact that I loved who I was and what I looked like, but my health had begun to show signs of being affected by my excess weight and this is the WHY I used to ensure I stayed on track. I started with 6 weeks of no diary, no wheat and red meat only once a week. Do you think I needed a big why to stay committed to such a regime??!! I knew that health is my true wealth. Having been unwell for 6 months and hardly able to walk had taught me that without my health my goals were useless. So maintaining a healthy body that would allow me to enjoy the fulfillment of my goals was the big WHY that kept me on track.

Stop and think about your reason WHY? What reason is big enough to keep you motivated at times when you want to give up and/or give in?

2. Create a visual and emotional image of what you want

Writing your goals down is an essential tool but not always enough to keep focused. Writing your goals down and having a visual image of you completing that goal adds fuel to the motivational fire. Writing goals down, having a visual image of your completed goal AND connecting this image with your emotions is the power of 3 that will ensure your motivation remains high. At any point during the day, or at any time when you are feeling in need of encouragement, you can simply stop, close your eyes, see your goal and evoke all the emotions achieving that goal holds for you. Nothing is more powerful!

3. Questions to ask before, during and after!

It is important to know not only why you are doing something but also WHAT. What achieving this goal will provide for yourself and your family. It is easy to believe that what you want is to make a million, but for many it is the lifestyle and the time freedom that this money has the potential to provide that will be the real motivation.

Spend time asking yourself questions that will help you identify what achieving your goal will provide. Questions such as:

*What will it bring me? *What will it do for me, my family, and/or friends? *What kind of lifestyle will I be able to have? *What sacrifices will I need to make? *What will be the impact on my current routine? *What will be the impact on my family? *What outcome do I want to achieve? *What contributions will I be able to make

Motivation and staying motivated is easy when you know what the achievement of your goal will provide for you and we only really lose motivation when we lose sight of our goal or end result.

4. Creating a visual representation of what you want

Keep the motivational fires burning by creating a collage with the family of what your end result will look like, or paint a picture, write a poem, sing a song, or whatever creative endeavor excites you enough to complete it.

Whatever you create keep it in a place where you can see it constantly, I remember listening to someone talk about sticking a poster of making their first 100,000 on their ceiling so that as they woke up it was the first thing they saw each morning, and the last image in their mind before falling asleep.

Leave yourself reminders on your fridge door, on your bathroom mirror, in your car. The more places you are able to leave yourself little notes and reminders about what you want to achieve the better. Doing this will help your unconscious mind bring you the results you desire, whilst also supporting you in staying focused and motivated towards achieving your goal.

5.Get Support from people around you

Support from family and friends is important but also consider what other support is available to you. Books, mentoring, work colleagues, life coaching, forums - these are all things that can support you as you work towards achieving your goal. Also think about WHO can support you in staying motivated, can you buddy up with someone, do you have a boss or lecturer who will be happy to help you keep accountable.

One thing I recommend is that you tell as many people as you know about what you want to achieve, this has the effect of keeping you motivated to complete your goal because you have told so many people. However, a word of caution is needed here because it is easy for people to trample your dreams and fail to support you. You must first pick and choose carefully those people you know will want to support you, but also you must gain enough inner personal strength to be able to continue no matter what negative comments may come your way.

6.Develop Inner Personal Strength

Ultimately, the person who will determine whether you stay motivated and achieve your goal will be you. Your thoughts will determine your behavior which determines your results. Developing a strong inner personal strength about your ability to achieve and your ability to motivate yourself when you are in an unproductive state of mind is essential. Being able to see setbacks and failures as opportunities for continued growth and upset and emotional turmoil as opportunities to discover what you want and need, will determine how you view life. One of the best ways to inner personal strength is to read and listen to audios that inspire and motivate you. Continued learning is an essential part of being able to stay motivated.

7. Support from Continued Learning

If you are going to need to learn new skills to ensure you complete your goal then you it is a good idea to identify what learning you will need to undertake as early as possible. If you have planned out how you will achieve your outcome then you will already be aware of any areas where you need to strengthen your skills or out source to others who will be able to fulfill what you need.

There is nothing worse than getting halfway towards the completion of a goal and to be stopped because you are not able to complete something because of lack of knowledge and/or skills. This is a surefire way of dampening your excitement and your motivation.

Make a list of what you can and can't do and who might be able to help you. Knowing this in advance can help you avoid getting frustrated because things aren't getting done. If you are serious about developing your personal and professional life then I recommend getting yourself a Mentor or Life Coach, to ensure you stay on track.

You should also look at continued learning as it relates to your own personal development, continuing with your own personal development will ensure you are able to work through set backs quickly and stay motivated.

Staying motivated when you are looking to achieve your goals is essential for ultimate success. I have provided you with seven practical ways to achieve continued motivation and I recommend you use them all. Some of them such as creating a collage will be activities you perform occasionally, but others, such as continuing your personal development will be a continuous learning process. There is not one single thing that will determine your success in staying motivated but a combination of many, finding the combination that is right for you will change from goal to goal and will be an ongoing (fun filled) exploration.


About the Author

Diane Corriette runs the Personal Growth Podcast Directory. Listen to inspirational and motivational podcasts. If you create podcasts in the self-improvement area why not submit them to
http://www.personalgrowthpodcastdirectory.com

Thursday, February 1, 2007

5 Ways To Become More of an Optimist

From Elizabeth Scott

Optimism is measured by your explanatory style, or how you define events. If you can learn to define positive events as being a) because of something you did, b) a sign of more good things to come and c) evidence that good things will happen in other areas of your life, you’re halfway there. If you can also think of negative events as a) not your fault, and b) isolated occurrences that have no bearing on future events or other areas of your life, you’re the rest of the way there!

Here's How:

1.When something positive happens in your life, stop to analyze your thought process for a moment. Are you giving yourself due credit for making it happen? Think of all the strengths you possess and ways you contributed, both directly and indirectly, to make this event occur. For example, if you aced a test, don’t just think of how great it is that you were prepared, but also think of how your intelligence and dedication played a role.

2.Think of other areas of your life that could be affected by this good event. Also, think of how the strengths that you possess that caused this good thing to happen can also cause other positive events in your life. For example, what other good things can come from your intelligence, dedication, and ability to effectively prepare for tasks?


3.Imagine what future possibilities could be in store. Because you hold the key to your success, shouldn’t you expect to do well on future exams? Isn’t a successful career a natural result?


4.When negative events occur, think of the extenuating circumstances that could have contributed to this happening. If you do poorly on an exam, for example, were you especially busy in the preceding week? Were you somewhat sleep deprived? What outside circumstances contributed to your failure? Keep in mind that this isn’t necessarily a reflection of personal weakness.


5.Also remember that you’ll have endless opportunities to do better in the future. Think of your next potential success, or other areas where you can excel.

Tips:

  1. The key to optimism is to maximize your successes and minimize your failures.
  2. It’s beneficial to look honestly at your shortcomings so you can work on them, but focusing on your strengths can never hurt.
  3. Keep in mind that the more you practice challenging your thought patterns, the more automatic it'll become. Don't expect major changes in thinking right away, but do expect them to become ingrained over time.
  4. Always remember that virtually any failure can be a learning experience, and an important step toward your next success!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

5 Ways To Neutralize The Dominantly Negative Co-Worker

It was the tale of two airlines, though in each case the planes carried the same insignia and the personnel were paid by the same corporate coffers.

During my first trip to Florida, I was on a flight where the attendants were noticeably cheerful, enjoying themselves, each other, and the passengers, and they seemed genuinely eager to please.

On my second trip, a few days later, a different crew was grouchy and nonverbally venomous.

All of those flight attendants seemed to be in a siege mentality, barricaded behind frowns, and eager to be offstage, as far as possible from the customers as they could get.

“What made such a difference?” I wondered, as I was strapped into my seat, observing the second crew as it went about its sorry business.

Then I noticed the most senior member of the staff was the most acerbic. He looked peevish, prickly, and totally out of sorts, and his mates, who were co-hosting the serving carts, took on his demeanor.

In fact, they seemed to be playing up to his dour personality, almost trying to outdo his displays of contempt for the passengers.

I caught myself wondering, “Could one person have such a negative impact on the whole team?"

And without hesitating, I knew the answer was “Yes.”

I was watching it happen.

In fact, sourpusses spoil lots of workplaces, but this time it was obvious because we were all confined, coexisting in a flying tube. There was no escaping the negativity.

Of course, it got me to thinking, what can we do to at least neutralize the impact of a negative personality, a venom spitter?

Here are five things that come to mind:

1 Ask them directly and quickly after observing their bad vibes: “Is everything all right with you?” Then, if they disclaim any problems, explain briefly “I just thought maybe you weren’t feeling so well because you seem so, uh, SERIOUS!”

2 Boldly walk up to them and say: “Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!” They’ll be baffled, temporarily, but it may be enough to bring a grin to their lips.

3 Tell them a joke.

4 Say: “You look like I feel; so cut it out! Let’s put on a happy face, shall we? The show must go on!”

5 You might offer to fill in for them for a few minutes. “You look like you could use a break, a little attitude adjustment. Can I help? Want to take a few minutes to yourself?”

Each approach gives the offender feedback as to how he’s coming across to others, and he might be oblivious to it, until you bring it up.

So, don’t suffer in silence.

By taking action you’ll do everybody a favor, including those negative people!
Best-selling author of 12 books and more than 900 articles, Dr. Gary S. Goodman is considered "The Gold Standard"--the foremost expert in sales development, customer service, and telephone effectiveness. Top-rated as a speaker, seminar leader, and consultant, his clients extend across the globe and the organizational spectrum, from the Fortune 1000 to small businesses. He can be reached at: gary@customersatisfaction.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Gary_S._Goodman

Friday, January 26, 2007

5 Ways To Stress Relief

Stress has been called 'the plague of our time'. More than ever before stress relief seems to be in great demand and especially for people in stressful jobs or careers. It would be more appropriate to ask which jobs or careers are not stress related and you would probably be able to count the number on one hand. As a self help tool for handling stressful situations in your everyday life, I'll give you 5 simple methods for instantly relieving stress that has worked great for me. I really hope these methods can be useful for you as well.

Remove stress with relaxation

If you are stressed, sit down at the most comfortable place you can find, close your eyes and say to your self slowly:

"I am calm. Absolutely calm. I feel relaxed. My hands are heavy. I'm calm and relaxed. My arms are heavy and relaxed. My arms and my legs are relaxed and heavy. My torso is relaxed, calm and feels heavy. My shoulders and neck are heavy and relaxed. My entire body is calm, relaxed and heavy. I feel great, relaxed and calm. I feel warmth spreading from my stomach to all parts of my body. My entire body is calm, relaxed, heavy and warm. I feel good and I’m totally relieved from stress. "

Continue having this feeling of being totally relaxed and stress less for as long as you can or want. When you decide to finish this down-stressing session, take a deep breath and stretch out your arms in a short and energetic movement. How do you feel now? Practice this exercise every time you feel stressed.

Sit down and look at the Sea

If you are stressed and need to relax go to the harbor, the nearest beach or any place close to the sea, or a lake if you live in the inland. Just sit there and feel it, smell it, hear it. Don't think so much, just sense. Do you feel relaxed? Keep on until you feel the stress has left you.

Take a Walk

If you are stressed leave your home or office and take a thirty minute walk. Just walk don't talk to anybody. Try to relax while you walk. Instead of thinking or focusing on your current problems, try to sense your environments like smell, sound impressions and what you see as well as your inner feelings; heart beat, your feet touching the ground and the movements of your arms. Do you feel relaxed now? After half an hour your stressful feelings should have disappeared.

Listen to Music

If you are stressed sit or lie down, walk or do whatever you want, while you are listening to music. Don't listen to heavy rock and similar music, this might invoke even more stress. Relaxing with a Nat King Cole ballad or two, some slow pace smooth Jazz, the Adagietto movement of Gustav Mahlers 5th symphony or Mozart's Grand Partita for wind instruments are all great. Do you feel more relaxed? Is your stressfulness leaving you? It should.

Laugh, laugh and laugh

If you are stressed, call or visit friends that you have had much fun with. Talk with them about funny things you have done in the past and as they the youngsters say, “Get your laugh on”. Do all you can to provoke good and healthy laughter as it is very relaxing and dissolves the away the stress. Read a joke magazine, watch a comedy DVD or video or listen to a funny audio. If you have kids around you, play a crazy and childish game with them, they love it and everybody will relax. The point is, laugh and your stress will disappear and you'll feel relaxed.

Source: www.isnare.com

Saturday, January 20, 2007

15 Easy Ways To Relax At Work

Do you have a sore back and stiff neck after only a few hours at work? Does the rush to meet deadlines, constant talking on the phone or finishing off reports seem to wear you down hour by hour? Then maybe it's time to relax for a few moments over the course of each day.

If done right, even a minute of not thinking about work can help you loosen up in the long run. And if you don't think you have time for a five-minute break, you may just be working too hard.

Here are 15 quick, easy tips that will hopefully rest your nerves, up your productivity and postpone the onset of ulcers.

1- Massage your temples
Think of it as massaging your brain, in a manner of speaking. Take your eyes off the computer screen, focus on something down the hall (this helps to ease the muscles that move your eyeballs) and try to relax your whole body. Breathe, and try to forget what you were just working on, even if only for a moment.

2- Listen to music
Whether it's something soothing that mellows you out or something hard and heavy, music is great for a quick escape. Try using headphones at your desk or sitting in your car during a break so you can have the tunes all to yourself. The more engaging it is for you, the more it will release your tension from work.

3- Change settings
Don't let your cubicle turn you into Milton from Office Space . Change your scenery a little bit by reading something standing up, or doing some work in the conference room. You'd be surprised how much even the slightest shift in spatial surroundings will positively affect your composure.

4- Stretch
That's right, stretch. And I'm not simply referring to the "lean back in your chair," yawning, "boy I could sure use another cup of coffee" kind of stretching. Get out of your chair, find a little floor space, and work it like you were on the track team. Touch your toes, flex your calves, make little circles with your arms. The muscles of the body are interconnected so the more you stretch, the more the whole body relaxes.

5- Take a walk
It's best to get outside for some fresh air, but if limitations keep you indoors, even a stroll around the office will help you break the monotonous routine. Focus on moving parts of your leg and arm muscles that have been stationary all day. Even climbing a flight of stairs can do the trick.

6- Exercise
Go to the gym, take a bike ride, go for a jog, or play catch outside with a co-worker. There's no doubt that one of the best contrasts for draining mental exertion is physical exertion. Upping your heart rate a little will get your blood flowing more quickly. Obviously, this one takes more than a few minutes -- so don't blame me if you Stairmaster yourself through a staff meeting.

7- Do something personal
Reply to an e-mail, return a personal phone call, or even handwrite a letter. Reminding yourself that you actually have a life beyond your cubicle is a nice reaffirmation. Also, thinking about a relationship or a fun event can provide a nice mental diversion, even if you only do so for a moment.

8- Have a cup of tea
As the world's second most popular beverage (the first is water), tea has to be good for you, right? Try the caffeine-free variety, unless you're a coffee addict, in which case you might need your little jolt. Tea helps digestion and is great for relaxation.

9- Eat something
A light snack is a nice sensory change from mental grunt work. Something with protein is best, as it is less likely to make you crave more snacks later in the day. Be forewarned that if you eat too much, you'll end up like a lion after it devours its wildebeest -- lazy!

10- Have a drink
Don't get carried away and don't make a habit of it, but a glass of wine or beer with lunch, or a splash of Baileys Irish Cream in your coffee during a break might be just what you need. Sometimes a slight glaze over your tense mood will help you relax and work more efficiently and calmly.

11- Read a comic strip
Anything that gives you a little intellectual stimulation outside of your usual professional mind-set is a good distraction. You'd be surprised how much a five-minute read will help alleviate stress and momentarily erase the nagging thoughts in your head between nine and five.

12- Plan your weekend
Looking ahead to the weekend, or better yet your vacation time, can easily cheer you up. But don't get carried away, otherwise you'll end up despising your workday even more. Take a minute or two to imagine the beach or snuggling under the covers on Sunday morning and before you know it, you'll actually be doing it.

13- Freshen up
Take a trip to a secluded bathroom, roll up your sleeves, wash your hands, and splash some water onto your face. Get some cold water on your temples and on the back of your neck. Aside from being refreshing, cold water on the skin can awaken your senses.

14- Do something creative
Draw a cartoon, paint a little picture, take a photo, write a poem. This will remind you that your brain is capable of tasks other than the ones you repeat all day.

15- Run an errand
Go to the bank or the post office and do something for yourself. You can even pretend that the power drill at the hardware store or the new boxed set at the record shop is, for a few minutes anyway, more important than work.



Thursday, January 18, 2007

10 Ways to Generate More Positive Emotions in Your Life

Positive emotions undo negative emotions and reduce the negative physical and psychological stresses of negative experiences. Negative emotions tell you that you are facing a win-loss encounter and need to take steps to engage with the obstacles. Positive emotions tell you that you are in a potential win-win situation. Positive emotions guide you to be more expansive, tolerant, and creative so that you can maximize the social, intellectual, and physical benefits of the situation.

It is important to generate and build the experience of positive affective states rather than simply extinguishing negative emotions. Positive affective states create an "upward spiral" and become the fuel and the raw material for growth and development, exploration and discovery, mastery and successful interactions in the world, and developing and leveraging your strengths.

Positive emotions move you toward happiness. As you generate positive emotions, you will broaden and build upon them. You will become more successful in your world (whatever success means for you) when you align yourself with happiness.

Here are the top ten ways to generate more positive emotions.

1. Increase your happiness about the past by experiencing gratitude.

Gratitude amplifies savoring and appreciation of good events gone by.

Gratitude about the good things in the past intensifies your positive memories about the past and therefore engenders more positive affect and the sense of happiness about the past. Satisfaction, contentment, fulfillment, pride, and serenity - all aspects of happiness about the past - require the experience of gratitude.

Research just completed shows that engaging in a Gratitude Visit has lasting and substantial happiness benefits. This intervention required participants to write a letter and then read it to someone telling them how grateful they were for something the other person had done for them – or just for who they were.

People engaging in the Gratitude Visit were found to be significantly happier and less depressed after the visit and for at least one month afterwards.

Take every opportunity to express authentically your gratitude about past experiences to those around you.

2. Increase your happiness about the past by practicing forgiveness.

Forgiveness undoes bitterness and the desire for vengeance about past transgressions that block your feelings of happiness about the past.

Negative memories can induce bitterness. When these negative memories predominate, the emotions of contentment, satisfaction, serenity and peace are not experienced and happiness about the past is not available.

When negative memories about the past are fostering negative emotions, the way out is to rewrite your negative memories. Forgiveness is a tool for rewriting our memories of past bad events and opening the door to happiness about our past.

Studies show that adults who use an effective forgiveness tool have less anger, less stress, and are more optimism and report better health and more happiness.

3. Increase your happiness about the future by building hope and learning to be more optimistic.

The sense of happiness about the future is embedded in the positive emotions of faith, trust, confidence, hope, and optimism.

Optimism is more than just sitting around and thinking positively about things.

Optimistic people have an optimistic explanatory style, which is permanent, pervasive, and personal. Optimists who make permanent and universal explanations for good events and temporary and specific explanations for bad events tend to recover quickly from troubles and get hooked on success.

Learning to be more optimistic builds hope, gives greater direction, and supplies energy for successful future interaction in the world.

Leveraging learned optimism opens the way to experience a sense of happiness about the future and produces the positive emotions of faith, trust, confidence, hope, and greater optimism.

4. Increase your happiness about the present by enjoying the pleasures of the moment.

Pleasures are a route to increasing your experience of positive emotions in the present and opening the gateway to the experience of the sense of happiness in the present. By enjoying the pleasures in your life you pave the way for increased positive feeling throughout your lifetime.

Pleasures are tied to the satisfaction of your biological needs. Pleasures can be honed, nurtured, discovered, and supported. They can be sharpened, amplified, and brought purposely into your experience.

Pleasures are perceived and experienced through your senses and expanded and amplified in your emotions. Pleasures heighten your momentary experience but may not build reserves for the future. Although pleasures are an important contribution to present happiness and increased positive feelings, they are not the route to lasting happiness.

You can enhance your experience of pleasures in the moment and increase your happiness in the present by engaging in a simple practice. Set aside a free day every now and again to indulge in your favorite pleasures. Don’t get distracted by all of your practical responsibilities. Design your day of simple pleasures and carry out the plan. Repeat as necessary.

5. Increase your happiness about the present by experiencing gratification.

Gratification results from engagement in activities that exercise your natural strengths. Engaging in the world in a way that produces gratification produces total absorption in the moment and results in a state called flow. Flow builds psychological capital that can be drawn on in the years to come.

A state of flow arises when:
You are involved in a task that is challenging and requires skill
Your natural strengths match the demands of the situation
The goals of the task are clearly outlined and you know them
You get immediate feedback about your involvement with the task
You have a deep, effortless involvement with the task
You experience a sense of control with regards to the task
You lose the experience of a separate sense of self
You have the experience of timelessness

These components result in the experience of gratification and happiness in the present. Identifying, developing and using your natural strengths in as many aspects of your life and as frequently as possible will increase your experience of gratification and enhance your happiness in the present.

6. Increase your positive emotions through appreciation.


For years, New Age self-help books have been telling you to write down things that you appreciate. Turns out they are right. Science verifies the wisdom of that advice.

Research shows that sustained experience of appreciation results in highly ordered brain and heart rate patterns. Appreciation is one of the emotions that reflects order in your neurophysiological systems and produces what is called "physiological coherence."

During states of physiological coherence, your body systems are synchronized, more efficient and in greater harmony. You experience better cognitive performance, more emotional stability, and enhanced emotional and social functioning. In addition, when your body is in a state of physiological coherence you feel more at peace and experience a sense of security.

More new research shows that practicing appreciation does indeed increase your happiness. People who write down three good things that happened during the day every night for one week and answer"Why did this good thing happen?" experience happiness benefits lasting at least three months.

Happiness and satisfaction is highest for those who consciously direct their attention to appreciation.

7. Increase your positive emotions by identifying and nurturing your strengths.

Psychology has discovered that human strengths act as buffers against suffering and ineffective functioning and are pathways toward a meaningful life.

Identifying and nurturing your strengths leads to resolution of ineffective behavior, protects against the occurrence of dysfunctional behavior, and eventually leads to a life of "flourishing."

Break out of a weakness spiral and focus your attention on your natural talents and strengths. Your greatest resources for achievement, performance and growth lies in the area of your natural strengths.

Identify your natural strengths by taking the VIA (Values in Action) Survey at http://authentichappiness.org and the Strength Finder Profile at http://strengthfinder.com.

For greater happiness identify your natural strengths and then nurture and develop your top strengths.

Identifying your strengths is not enough, however. You have to use your strengths...

8. Increase your positive emotions by using your top strengths every day in all areas of your life.

To generate any significant experience of happiness, you have to use your strengths.

People who used their top strengths in new ways every day for only one week experienced substantial happiness benefits for up to 3 months.

The good life is experienced by using your top strengths as much as you can in all areas of your life. By designing different life areas so that your top strengths can be more frequently and more fully exercised, you open the way for the experience of increased positive satisfaction and successful engagement with the world.

Increased life satisfaction comes through being able to use your top strengths every day in win-win situations. Once you are aware of your top strengths, it is possible to design your life and work around your strengths to leverage and capitalize on their unique combination.

9. Increase your positive emotions by leading with your strengths and compensating for your weaknesses.

The old paradigm was that knowing your weaknesses and correcting them would help you improve the most. Now, the fascination with weakness is beginning to fade. Focusing on your strengths is proving to be a more effective paradigm.

Major strides in prevention of dysfunction have resulted from systematically building competency, rather than correcting weakness. Simply correcting your weakness often leads to a dead end. Challenging yourself based on your natural competence with your personal strengths gives you a path to follow and tools and techniques to use that are natural to you.

Leading with weakness, dysfunction and problems has a retrospective view and focuses only on what to move away from. Looking for, finding, and developing your strengths gives you something to move toward.

Your difficulties and problems are best looked at through the filter of your existing strengths. By identifying and developing the strengths you already possess these strengths can be leveraged as the means of good management of your weaknesses.

Do not simply ignore the dysfunction or weakness. Instead, focus on what strengths you have to leverage to set a new trajectory and to compensate for your weakness.

10. Increase your positive emotions by developing more of the "Key Five" strengths.

The jury is still out on whether or not it is possible to develop a strength that is not one of your natural top strengths into a top strength. However, through learning and development, it certainly is possible to bring more of a particular strength into your life – even if it can’t be turned into one of your top strengths.

Some new research suggests that there are five strengths that are key to leverage for the experience of increased positive emotions and life satisfaction. These Key Five are gratitude, optimism, zest, curiosity, and the ability to love and be loved.

Find yourself a coach, a counselor, a personal development consultant, or a good self-help program and spend some time and resources in bringing more of the Key Five strengths into your life.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

10 Ways To Lift Your Mood

Everyone has periods in their life when they feel *down in the dumps*, blue, or mildly depressed, *especially* at holiday times, such as Christmas & Thanksgiving. Many people feel this way especially on New Years Eve due to perhaps a combination of alcohol, the end of a year that was not great for them, etc. These *down* feelings can be due to everything from some personal problems to business hassles to various weather changes or conditions. For those for whom these moods are short-lived and *not frequent* the following have shown to help boost one's mood and general outlook.

1. Socialize & Think Positively!

When a person is feeling blue or *depressed,* often the LAST thing they want to do is be around others or socialize. The fact is, however, when we are feeling blue or down, if we choose to isolate ourselves and hold up in our room or home, we will tend to focus on the same mental *tapes* that are causing us to feel down in the first place! If you will force yourself to call a friend and meet for coffee, a movie, a walk, a talk--anything to get out and change your atmosphere, the chances are good that will have a good effect on changing your mood for the better. For all but those who have a severe depression problem requiring a doctor's help and medication, try and remember, *We are what we THINK*. Our thoughts can propel us into ecstasy or into the depths of the *blues*. And MOST of us have control over our thoughts. It takes being conscious of them, and it takes practice. Remember: We are ALWAYS *at choice* as to thoughts, actions, etc.

2. Do Something Just For YOURSELF!

Be totally selfish here. Think of something you want to do for yourself...a short trip, a manicure, a haircut, buying yourself the coat or scarf you have been wanting. It does not have to be extravagant nor costly. The point is you are being GOOD to yourself, and that will sink in, and a part of your Self will say "Gee, I deserve this, and things are not so bad after all." This is not going to necessarily get to the root of what caused you to feel down or blue, but it will make you feel better long enough that maybe you can put the cause in a different perspective, or simply not take it as seriously!

3. Give Something To Another Person.

One of the best ways we can get beyond our own physical and emotional Self is to find something *bigger* than our own familiar problems upon which to concentrate! Think about your friends, relatives, the poor people in your church, or the local charities. Pick a person or cause that appeals to you and decide to give to that person or that cause. It can be your time or money, a toy, or whatever. Giving to others makes MOST people feel good in their heart. Feeling good in our heart can have a great impact on how we feel in our MIND and body. It is the thought and the symbolism. The gift may be small, but the thought is all. You WILL feel better!

4. Rent Or Go See A Happy/Funny Movie.

Laughter has long been a quick and effective panacea for ills of all kinds. Medical studies show that it creates endorphins (body hormones that act as natural pain killers as well as *mood elevators*) as well as red blood cells and T-cells (the good cells which make up a part of the body's auto-immunue system and help us fight disease). When we laugh we also force our mind (although there is not any real struggle) to change modes and to be *UP* and to feel up, not down or blue or depressed. We substitute our own thoughts and feelings for those of the people on the movie or television screen. Watching an hour long comedy where we laugh and take our mind off our daily problems can last for hours or days as far as reducing chronic pain, a *blue mood* feeling, etc. It is cheap, easy, and, if we allow it to be-it is FUN!

5. Volunteer Your Time.

One of the best ways we can help pull ourself out of feeling sorry for ourselves, or feeling blue, or concentrating on our own aches and pains, is by helping other people who have problems of their own...often much more severe. It is very humbling to take a walk through a rehabilitation unit in a hospital at a time when we are complaining or feeling low due to an ache in our back or almost any other physical problem we might have. Most of the people we see are FAR worse off than we are, yet they are working, smiling, laughing, and talking...trying to do what they can to make the best of their situation. Giving time to others is a very good way to get *outside* of our own situation. Every city has volunteer bureaus and other places that need help, even if it is for an hour a day or a week! Giving to others will come back to us many times over in positive ways if we allow ourselves to try it.

6. Get Out Of The Past & Into The Present!


Most bad moods and mental attitudes are a result of what has happened to us in the PAST. This can be the recent past, or long ago. It is vital to your body and energy and Life as a whole that you stay in the PRESENT with your thoughts and feelings. The past is over! *Hanging onto* old hurts, pains, anger etc. will do you much harm emotionally and physically over time. We can CHOOSE to focus on creating a positive and healthy present for ourselves, or dwell in the past, creating anxiety, depressed moods, anger, guilt, etc. Do you want to live your life in the PRESENT or live it based on the past onto which you are still hanging? Let old hurts and pains and anger go! Doing so will free up all kinds of *positive energy* and your body and mind will have a chance to be MUCH healthier as a result!

7. Walk Or *Mall Walk* To Cheer Up.

Walking is prescribed by many doctors to help depression. Maybe your finances are what have your down in the dumps. If that is the case, drive to the closest mall and walk and just look in the windows. Buy an "Orange Julius" or soda, sit on a bench and watch the people and the children. REALIZE that EVERY person you see has their own problems, and has days when THEY are blue or down. Some may feel much worse, and even be clinically depressed. *To do* is to take action. And taking action fights the blues and the *funk* one feels by sitting or lying down at home brooding indulging in self-blame or pity. Remember *misery loves company*? Well, at a mall you can be assured you have hundreds if not thousands of men and women who have felt or are FEELING just as bad or worse than you at the very time you are there! You are NOT alone. Life will go on...things can get better, You must make the choice to help MAKE them better however.

8. Call Someone You Like Who Is A "Positive" Person And Chat.

This option is alright as long as you do not *dump* on your friend, and as long as you do not abuse it. The idea here is to get OUT of yourself, and have some interaction, and hear about someone else's life, and take your mind off your own *stuff* for awhile. It's okay to let them know you are feeling abit low or down, and if they ask, you can tell them BRIEFLY what is going on. Just don't make it a long whining monologue! Ask them about THEIR life and job and family, etc. Get involved with someone ELSE, and your mind will take a turn as well. Let them talk about their life and current situation. If they are someone you see off and on in person, you might offer to get together with them for lunch, coffee, a movie, etc. sometime soon. The more you talk or listen to them and talk about things other than your OWN current situation, the better the chances are your mood will lift and you'll feel better after the call.

9. Meditate Or Listen To Relaxation or Positive Affirmation Tapes.

Meditation can be a very good way to change your mood. It works whether you are depressed/down, or anxious/hyper. I suggest taking a course or getting good quality tapes which teach meditation. It is amazing what it can do to quiet down the mind and release the stress caused by both anxiety AND depression feelings. Tapes on relaxation as well as self-affirmation by many well known expert authors are readily available through bookstores, some music stores, and also the *New Age* type book and music stores. Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer are two of the most well known authors of books and tapes on health issues, specializing in "positive thinking" and how they affect our physical and emotional health. They can be found in most book stores, or on the Internet at Amazon Books online at http://www.amazon.com The investment in these tapes is quite small compared to the benefits they can give the user.

10. Be CREATIVE!

Creating things alters our mood. It shifts us from the right side of our brain to the left side etc. Creating can be through cooking foods, painting (walls or on canvas or paper) making something using needle and thread, yarn, or Legos! It is also "creating" to play music if you are musical. Play what you wish as loud or as soft as you wish. Make up a song. Music (hearing it or playing it) has long been used by people of all cultures to create or alter a mood. Whatever type of music makes you feel good...play it or create it. It WILL change your mood for the better if you allow it to and if you concentrate on the music and creating and forget how you have been "feeling."
About the Submitter

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

5 Ways to Make a Great First Impression

Any seduction starts before you even speak to a girl, she is making an instant judgement about you as soon as she catches sight of you out of the corner of her eye. Women are much more subtle than men and can make this judgement without you even knowing. Here is how to make a great first impression:

1. Look like you are enjoying yourself

Most men do not enjoy themselves in bars and clubs, they stand shoulder to shoulder, checking out the women and making the occasional comment to each other. They dont look like they are enjoying each others company and are just out to meet women.

This creates a bad first impression. When you see people having fun, you want to join them and you have a better first impression they appear friendlier, safer, and nicer. Even if you are not having fun, look like you are.

Look happy to be in the place and try to have higher energy than those around you. Animated body language, a smiling face and exaggerated reactions are ways to look like you are having fun.

2. Do not stare or obviously check out the girls

Dont stand shoulder to shoulder with your friend, stand opposite each other and subtly check out the girls over each others shoulder. This is what girls do! It separates you from all the other guys. Read more

Monday, January 8, 2007

10 Ways to Be Happier Now

10 Ways to Be Happier Now

Here are 10 ways to be happier now and experience a good way of life:

  1. Seek joy – first and foremost.

  2. Seek reasons to laugh.

  3. Seek reasons to offer words of praise – to self and others.

  4. Seek beauty in nature, (animals), and other humans.

  5. Seek reasons to love. In every segment of every day – look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of love.

  6. Seek that which uplifts you.

  7. Seek opportunity to offer that which uplifts another.

  8. Seek a feeling of Well-being.

  9. Know that your value can only be measured in terms of joy.

  10. Acknowledge your absolute freedom to do any of these things or not do any of these things – for it is, without exception, your choice in every moment of every day.
Sourse: http://zenchillcom.blogspot.com/2007/01/10-ways-to-be-happier-now.html

Thursday, January 4, 2007

10 Ways To Access The Power Source

1) The Power of Life is accessed by slowing down, coming to a halt, and experiencing the full-tilt boogie of the present moment where all the action is!! Enjoy the moment at hand, for it’s the only time there is

2) This is where God is found, and joy, love, patience, kindness and compassion–by following your breath throughout the day and in moments of deep meditation.


3) You insult your Power Source by failing to strive for excellence. Strive for excellence by consciously becoming a better person than you were yesterday. Look over your past life and remember all of your successes. Whatever your circumstances, use the past as a rich source, searching out all the triumphs and accolades. When you search for what went wrong, then you are blind to what went right, so the past only mirrors the shortcomings you now face.
Read more

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Ten Ways to Improve Your Interpersonal Skills

Don’t discount the importance of interpersonal skills in the workplace. How you are perceived by your manager and coworkers plays a large role in things as minor as your day-to-day happiness at the office and as major as the future of your career.

No matter how hard you work or how many brilliant ideas you may have, if you can’t connect with the people working around you, your professional life will suffer. The good news is that there are several concrete things you can do to improve your social skills and become closer to your colleagues, all of which will ultimately help you succeed in today’s working world.

Try these 10 helpful tips for improving your interpersonal skills:

1. Smile. Few people want to be around someone who is always down in the dumps. Do your best to be friendly and upbeat with your coworkers. Maintain a positive, cheerful attitude about work and about life. Smile often. The positive energy you radiate will draw others to you.

2. Be appreciative. Find one positive thing about everyone you work with and let them hear it. Be generous with praise and kind words of encouragement. Say thanks when someone helps you. Make colleagues feel welcome when they call or stop by your office. If you let others know that they are appreciated, they’ll want to give you their best.
Read more

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

15 Ways to Improve Your Charisma Now

You recognize them by the twinkle in their eye, their smile that oozes confidence (but not arrogance), and that certain something you can't quite put your finger on, but that draws you in, makes you want more of them.

That "something" is charisma, and it's what sets a great orator apart from an ordinary speaker, a salesperson of the year apart from a mediocre one -- even a beloved president apart from a losing candidate.

The word "charisma" comes from the Greek word 'charis,' or grace, and people who possess it have gained a great advantage. A number of studies have found that people are genuinely drawn to charismatic individuals, and are more willing to buy from them, be influenced by them and even vote for them in a presidential election.
Read more

Monday, January 1, 2007

5 WAYS to become a leader

Leadership is a quality that cannot be taught. Either you have it or you don’t. Some people like to take charge, be their own person and follow their own path. Some prefer to take direction from others. Leadership is not a quality that can be found outside of yourself, you need to develop it from inside yourself.

Here are five suggestions that will help you cultivate your own leadership skills:

1. Don’t feel like you have to prove anything to anyone, anywhere.

If you’re in class, and someone wants to make a speech that’s rife with inaccuracies, bias takes and general nonsense, let them. You do not have to display your intellectual prowess in order to prove that this person is an idiot. You don’t have to feel obligated to set the record straight. Likewise, you shouldn’t feel pressured into abandoning an unpopular belief, just because the majority of people around you claim that it’s false. Don’t feel pressured into being anything for anybody. This is your life, you can live it they way you want.

2. Talk the talk and walk the walk.

Don’t be a hypocrite. Don’t flip-flop or flake. If you say something, mean it. If you promise to do something, do it. Be true to your word in every situation. Read more


3. Let your actions speak louder than your words.

Deeds have more weight than words. You can pay lip-service to hard work and achieving your goals, but if you never act upon these declarations, you’re just talking. People respond to bold action. Figure out what it is you want to do, and set your plan in motion immediately.

4. Don’t be intimidated by any person, place, thing or idea.

Develop thick skin. Learn to take emotions out of the equation. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. There’s not enough time for self-doubt, you have too much to do. You will be faced with awkward situations where you will feel challenged in some way. Stick up for yourself and your ideas. Don’t let your environment dictate how you react. No one can say anything that’ll phase you, if you refuse to let yourself be phased.

5. Feel like you are in control of any and every situation.

Leadership is about controlling difficult situations. You have to feel like you are master of your own domain in every possible scenario. Sure you will face overwhelming incidents in life, but when you do, stand up and accept it. Push forward. Get past your problems, free your mind of all restrictive doubt, and execute a solution.

Leadership cannot be taught from without, but it can be developed from within. Be confident in yourself and your abilities. Don’t let anything get under your skin. Follow your word, take action, and no that you are in control of your own life.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

10 ways to have an Active Mind

1) Read more & take part in mentally challenging activities. Usually morons have an innate
prejudice towards reading. It’s of course, a well earned inferiority complex. Grow up, idiot.

2) Watch TV.Well, it may sound naïve and against conventional wisdom.But, I have found television as a highly educative medium. Mostly people classify it as a passive activity. Doesn’t it keep people more informed and let those creative juices flowing? Come on, look at younger generation kids. Look at their parents. Ask yourself. Well, if they aren’t that different, let’s figure out ways to force their parents to let them be so.a Read more

3) Use memory aids. Mnemonics are extremely helpful in improving ones memory power. Believe me; it can even help you memorize large chunks of digits –thousands of them. It involves linking items to a series of visual images which help you recall what you you need keep in your mind.

4) Improve your vocabulary. One’s sophistication of thoughts can easily by assessed by his ability to handle words with fluency and imagination. I hope you share my opinion. If you don’t, consult a psychiatrist. Inferiority complex is a terrible thing. It can kill you. Please, do it for yourself.

5) Read good specialized magazines. Surf the web daily on a wide range of topics. Join & read forums and blogs that propagate a view point which is different from that of yours. Think over it. Post your comments. Debate with yourself. If you think arguments are a weak man’s weapon, read my blog on arguments. I tell you, it’s a well articulated blog. You can start from there!

6) Work on your vocabulary by playing word games. Try concocting metaphors.

7) Whatever your career aspirations are, write at least a few pages daily. It’ll help you a long way. Write your dairy on a daily basis. Start blogging. It can easily be a good source of income if you put in the time and effort necessary.

8) Broaden your horizons. Look through books and pieces of art which you aren’t that familiar with. Write on what you feel.

9) Listen to music. Visualize what you’re hearing.

10) If you’re in a train, classroom or work place, just look around. Weave a story around people you see based on their expressions and behavior. Be careful not to laugh out loud as I do. In most probability they will take you to a psychiatrist. She’ll give you a set of pills which will take the life out of you.
Source: http://memorymaniac.blogspot.com/2006/12/10-ways-to-have-active-mind.html

Friday, December 29, 2006

20 WAYS to become a Leader

A recent woman law school graduate might be surprised to find so few women among the leaders of the firm she just joined. After all, half of her law school classmates were women. And although this law school statistic is often reported as if it represents some dramatic change, the fact is that roughly 40% of law school students have been women since the mid 1980s.

Although there have been small positive changes, for the most part, legal workplaces continue to be sadly lacking in women leadership.

There are several reasons for this, perhaps chief among them, the fact that a "committed lawyer" is defined so that it excludes the majority of women lawyers. If "commitment" is mutually exclusive with pregnancy and motherhood, then the odds of a woman lawyer advancing to a leadership position are slim.

This definition also excludes male lawyers who want to be more than just financial providers for their families. In fact, any lawyer seriously wanting "a life" is at risk of being deleted from the potential- leaders list.

The best chance of changing this systemic obstacle is to tip the gender scales in leadership balance. As more women become leaders in legal organizations, organizational values and definitions are likely to change. The concept of the "ideal lawyer" [1] will broaden to become equally inclusive of women as well as men whose wives handle family matters. The inclusion of men and woman who understand that work and life are not a zero sum game would benefit the profession as well as the individuals practicing it.

As organizations move from mono-cultural clubs to diversity-welcoming institutions, one might expect that the "ideal lawyer" image would also evolve into one that equally includes lawyers of color and those of non-majority sexual orientation.

There is another reason to expect that fostering leadership ability among women lawyers will benefit the careers of these and future women attorneys, as well as the organizations in which they work:

Research on leadership indicates that 50-75% of organizations are currently managed by people sorely lacking in leadership competence [2]. They are hired or promoted based on technical competence, business knowledge and politics - not on leadership skill. Such managers often manage by crisis, are poor communicators, are insensitive to moral issues, are mistrustful, over-controlling and micro-managing, fail to follow through on commitments they've made and are easily excitable and explosive. The result is low morale, alienated employees, and costly attrition. Since the best business outcomes are achieved by satisfied employees, the legal profession can only gain by an increasing focus on the development of attorneys' leadership competencies.

Women lawyers can take the lead in this endeavor. Here are 20 ways to become a leader:

1. TAKE CHARGE

Become the sculptor of your own career and life – not the sculpture. Leaders are authentic – the authors of their own lives. Take responsibility for your professional development. No one has a greater investment in your success and satisfaction than you. Especially as a woman, you cannot depend upon the traditional management structure of your organization to put you on the path to achievement. It's up to you to direct and protect your career and to develop your own potential. You cannot afford to be passive or to accept roles assigned to you. Know what you want and why and be prepared to take action to make it happen.

2. KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS

Work is most meaningful and satisfying when it gives us an opportunity to use our strengths. Leadership is fundamentally about character. Knowing your character strengths enables you to find ways to select work environments and work assignments that allow you to express and develop them. For example, if one of your greatest strengths is loyalty and teamwork, you'll be most effective and satisfied working as a member of a team. If fairness is among your greatest strengths, you'll be frustrated and dissatisfied without an opportunity to work on issues of justice. If you're someone who loves to learn, you'll feel bored and frustrated unless you find ways to master new skills and bodies of knowledge.

It's also important to keep track of your own accomplishments. Unfortunately, legal workplaces are notorious for focusing on mistakes and defeats rather than what people have done well. However, good leaders develop talent by matching peoples' strengths with work tasks. They recognize contributions and celebrate accomplishments.

Start practicing good leadership by keeping a log of your successes. Record even small wins – this is essential for building your own confidence as well as developing a crucial leadership competence.

You can assess your strengths by taking the VIA Strengths Survey at http://www.authentichappiness.org. Dr. Martin Seligman, a psychologist known for his research in the areas of helplessness, depression, optimism and positive psychology has developed this website. Since he continues to do research on the instruments on his website, you can take them for free.

The Gallup StrengthsFinder is another way to assess your strengths. You can learn about it at http://www.gallup.com.

3. CREATE YOUR VISION

Leaders are vision directed. A leader creates a compelling vision, is committed to this vision, and inspires others to action by aligning their goals with this vision.

Start developing this leadership competence by creating your own personal vision. Your vision statement is a picture of the future to which you can commit. It expresses your values, the contribution you want to make, and the way you want to live your life.

Without a clear vision, it's easy to be led by the expectations of others. As a professional coach, I can attest to the unhappiness of lawyers who've allowed the demands and approval of others to become their compass. It is heartbreaking to look back on your life with regret.

Your vision statement is your own personal "why." Knowing what you're working toward allows you to plan your professional development as well as to be resilient in the face of obstacles.

If you'd like a format for a personal vision statement, you can email me at Ellen@lawyerslifecoach.com with "Vision Statement" in the subject line.

4. CHOOSE A WORKPLACE WITH COMPATIBLE VALUES

One of the biggest mistakes many attorneys make is to accept a position in an organization with values contrary to their own. This situation leads to misery at worst, and job change at best.

Furthermore, you are much less likely to achieve a position of leadership in an organization with values at odds with your own ethics than you would in an environment that echoed your principles.

5. ESTABLISH YOUR OWN PERSONAL ADVISORY BOARD

Although the legal profession puts a premium on self-reliance, everyone needs guidance, role models and support. Old-style mentoring rarely exists in the 21st century legal workplace. Even if you have an assigned mentor, such "arranged marriages" rarely meet your most important professional development needs. It's especially difficult for women and attorneys of color to find mentors who identify with them or to whom they can look for time-tested strategies that apply to their unique challenges.

Establishing your own personal advisory board enables you to obtain assistance from several people. Each has a unique contribution to make to your career success. This approach also gives you an opportunity to seek needed assistance without over-burdening any one person.

In order to construct an effective personal board of directors you need to assess your learning needs. Identify the skills you need to acquire or improve in order to achieve the career goals you've set for the next year or two. Having identified your knowledge needs, you'll be ready to identify potential advisors. You can get recommendations from others. At the same time, observe people you'd like to emulate or those who have some special expertise in the areas in which you're interested. Look both within as well as outside your current work setting.

The people on your board will change as your learning needs change. Here are a few important tips for developing your advisory board:

Select people whom you trust.
Keep in mind that the alliances you form with your advisors are substantive, strategically important, and meaningful relationships.
Clarify each person's expectations for the relationship. Negotiate how long you expect the relationship to proceed in this form.
Understand what you mentor needs in order for the relationship to be mutually rewarding. For some advisors, helping another attorney succeed is sufficient. Others might feel rewarded by your offers to assist them in their own work.

You'll need to have advisors who serve different functions. The most important of these are:

A Culture Guide

If you're a new attorney, or are new to your current work setting, you'll need an advisor who can help you learn about the organizational culture. This mentor can provide tips on who is powerful, who the key players and decision-makers are, whom to seek out and whom not to cross. This mentor may also suggest committees to join and other avenues to pursue so that you will become more visible.

A Legal Skills Mentor

It's useful to find a mentor with deep knowledge in your area of the law – a senior and successful attorney who can provide candid and constructive feedback about your work. You need to have someone you trust to whom you can turn with substantive questions about your work. Ideally, this would not be someone who will be in a position of evaluating you: you can't hold back if you want to really learn.

A Role Model

It's especially helpful for women attorneys to form alliances with other women lawyers who share their work/life balance values. Ask someone you admire to share her strategies for balancing work and family.

It's particularly helpful to identify leadership role models. Think of the most inspiring leaders in your life and list the attributes that elicited your admiration and respect. Find role models who can advise you about how you can become a leader.

A Good "Connector"

Unless you have a well-established network, it's helpful to know someone who can introduce you to people you'd like to know. As a knowledge worker in today's economy, you simply cannot know everything. Establishing a knowledge network enables you to identify the fastest route to the information you need and the people who can connect you to that information. Whether you're seeking information requested by a client, connections to business development opportunities, or looking for another job, a well-developed network is an essential resource.


6. FIND A CHAMPION


It's essential to have someone who will be your champion in the organization. Most likely, this will be someone with whom you practice. The more value you add to the practice of a senior lawyer in your practice group, the more he or she will be invested in retaining you. People who like you, as well as your work, are more likely to be in your corner. It's also necessary that this person be in a secure position in the organization; someone in a tenuous spot is unlikely to feel able to go out on a limb for you.


7. WORK TOWARD EXCELLENCE IN YOUR PRACTICE


Excellent work performance is a necessary, although not sufficient condition for leadership. Stay on top of your professional development. Don't wait for your firm or organization to offer a seminar in the skills you want to learn – seek out your own training opportunities.


Keep in mind the difference between excellence and perfection. Maintaining high standards for your work reflects positive striving. On the other hand, being harshly self-critical for the smallest error will undermine your success. Perfectionism easily leads to micro-management and harsh criticism of others, neither of which are effective leadership behaviors.


It's difficult to strive for excellence unless you're doing what you love. People who are committed to what they do – who are strongly interested in their work – are resilient in the face of challenges. Enthusiasm and passion motivate hard work. Genuine interest sustains focused attention.


It's important to know what skills you should be developing as you progress in your career. The ABCNY Report of the Task Force on Lawyers Quality of Life delineates specific training goals for corporate and litigation associates. You can find these at: http://www.abcny.org/taskforce.html


Look for Attachment C. For a list of skills against which to assess your progress, you can send an email to me at Ellen@lawyerslifecoach.com with "Skills" in the subject line.


The more knowledgeable you are and the better your skills, the more you'll be a resource to others. Expertise builds your reputation as a credible and trusted resource, which is essential for attaining leadership roles.


8. TAKE INITIATIVE


Whatever you're trying to accomplish, you need to take control of your own destiny and act on your own convictions. To become a leader, you must first learn to lead yourself. Initiative is a fundamental leadership competence. Choose your work – don't let it choose you. Seek out work you like or from which you can learn. If the work you really want isn't coming your way, make a plan to find it. Forge alliances with people both within and outside your organization who can help you work with the kinds of matters and clients you prefer.


Avoid the "tyranny of the in-basket." [3] You need to actively work on your career, not just on your work. Develop a career plan. Identify specific, measurable goals and routes for accomplishing them. Go beyond adapting to whatever comes your way. Proactively select and influence the situation in which you work rather than merely reacting to situations created by others. Work to change yourself and your circumstances for the better.


Leaders create a vision, set goals that embody the vision, inspire action to accomplish the vision, and develop strategic plans which lead to their goals. Start on your path to leadership by leading yourself.


9. TAKE RISKS


Developing leadership skill requires getting out of your comfort zone. Set "stretch" goals that enable you to develop new skills. Join committees and take a leadership role. This is an opportunity to develop leadership competencies as well as increase your visibility. Many women lawyers have told me that they do their best to fly under the radar. They believe that this demonstrates that they are team players. I disagree. You stand to lose far more by being invisible than you do by taking risks. In order to break through the stereotypes that keep women from achieving positions of leadership, you'll need to appear confident. That means being willing to learn on the job instead of waiting until you know everything before you take on challenges. Ask your advisory board and network to help you fill in knowledge gaps. Present your ideas. Be decisive and to the point. Speak in a convincing manner and make your statements strong and powerful. Claim authorship of your ideas. Don't qualify your statements or apologize for speaking. Be assertive, not aggressive. Manage your emotions when you set limits and make requests. Avoid harsh criticism and always respect the dignity of others. Depersonalize your mistakes. Just because you failed at one thing doesn't make you a failure. View mistakes as learning opportunities. If you become so worried about how you're perceived after you make an error that you never try again, others will conclude that you always make mistakes. But if you attribute your error to insufficient information, you'll learn more and try again. Your track record of successes will outweigh the memory of your small errors. Taking risks builds resilience and self-confidence. The more you stretch yourself and succeed, the more confident you'll feel. This will empower you to strive toward a leadership position.


10. BE OPTIMISTIC


As "purveyors of hope," [4] leaders must be optimistic. Realistic optimists take control where they can and stop investing energy in things beyond their control. When faced with a setback, optimists don't succumb to feelings of helplessness. They maintain their focus on the larger purpose, finding ways to bounce back and pursue alternative routes to their goal. Optimists see mistakes as learning opportunities, not as catastrophes from which they'll never recover. This enables them to take the kinds of risks necessary for becoming a leader. Optimism is especially difficult for lawyers, since so much of legal work is about anticipating and preventing disaster. But even though pessimism may help you be more effective in practicing law, it will be an obstacle if you think this way about career planning or the rest of your life. You're probably used to thinking that optimism is just a personality characteristic and you either have it or you don't. But, the fact is that research has demonstrated that people can learn to think more optimistically and that these changes are enduring. If you want to learn to be more optimistic, I'd encourage you to read "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. [5].


11. BECOME "UN-FUNGIBLE"


Find a niche which your organization values and about which you can be passionate. Develop your expertise in this area. If you are the only expert, or one of a few experts in this area, you'll be of considerable value to your firm. This increases your power to lobby for flexibility in your scheduling and opportunities to take on leadership roles.


12. MAKE YOUR CAREER MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR JOB [6]


Focusing on your long-term career goals enables you to minimize the power of any given employer. If your goals are incompatible with those of your organization, or if you can't get the support you need to make your vision a reality, look elsewhere.


13. DEVELOP YOUR SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE


Leadership is interpersonal. Effective leadership is fundamentally about how you relate to people. Social intelligence consists of several components:
Self-management People who cannot manage the expression of their own emotions are unlikely to effectively manage others. It's important to develop an awareness of your own feelings and make deliberate choices about how best to use them in any given situation. Managing your emotions keeps them from clouding your perceptions and judgments. Being able to influence how others perceive you and coming across to others in the way you intend require self-awareness and self-regulation. It's essential to have a deep understanding of your own values, motives, strengths and limitations. Though it's not always easy to be honest with yourself, you need to develop this kind of honesty if you want to be interpersonally effective. Realistically appraise yourself without being overly self-critical. Ask others for feedback. The knowledge of how others perceive you is a powerful tool. Monitor yourself; pay attention to your feelings, actions and intentions. Observe the impact of your actions on others. Self-awareness is also critical for empathy since we tend to perceive others through the filter of our own needs, fears, expectations and hopes. When we are aware of what we expect to hear or are afraid of hearing, we can get past the filter and hear what's really being communicated.
Social radar Effective leaders can read emotional signals and assess other's emotional states. Your ability to influence others depends upon your skill at sensing their reactions and adjusting your approach accordingly. Practice "active" listening – listening not only to the other person's words but also their nonverbal expressions. Leaders are more persuasive when they can attune their message to their listeners.
Seek Win-Win Solutions to Problems Leaders elicit far more cooperation when they work toward equitable solutions, which all participants can embrace. Be flexibly open to others' points of view and demonstrate your understand of their perspectives. Always try to preserve the dignity of everyone involved in a problem or project. Leadership is about building and empowering teams. Practice creating an atmosphere of collaboration and openness.

14. BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE


Many women attorneys who are excellent advocates for their clients are fearful of advocating for themselves. In our culture, women are socialized to believe that self-promotion is not only unbecoming and aggressive but will also damage their careers. But failing to advocate for yourself can have far-reaching consequences. In the short run, too much modesty feeds into the gender stereotype that women aren't "tough enough." Keep in mind that other people see only a small percentage of our actions. The missing information has to come from the actor herself. Share your knowledge by offering to help others. Broadcast your wins through in-house newsletters. Express your convictions. Self-advocacy is necessary for reaching positions of leadership. At the same time, make sure that you acknowledge and appreciate everyone who contributed to the group effort. Leaders are able to make their employees feel proud of their contributions. They don't need to steel the credit for themselves.


15. BREAK THROUGH EXPECTATIONS


Gender role stereotypes are an obstacle to women achieving leadership in the legal profession. But believing you'll never break the "glass ceiling" is sure to hold you back. Sometimes the only way to get past these stereotypes is to address them directly. Shining a light on unspoken assumptions can enable your listeners to hear and see beyond their expectations. By identifying these assumptions, you're conveying power and insight, which inspire trust.


16. BECOME AN EXCELLENT COMMUNICATOR


A leader must communicate her vision in a way that energizes people and galvanizes them toward action. The ability to gain the cooperation and support of others – through negotiation, persuasion and influence - depends upon communication skill, which in turn is essential for leadership. Be aware of gender differences in communication style. (For details, see Issue # 27 of "Beyond the Billable Hour at http://lawyerslifecoach.com/newsletters/issue27.html.) Essentially, you must take your listener's expectations into account in tailoring your communications. For women, it's especially important to give the other person a reason to listen by addressing a goal your listener wants to achieve. When people feel heard, they're more likely to hear you. When you understand their goals, you can articulate how their aspirations can be aligned with your vision. Although implicit gender role stereotypes foster the belief that mothers cannot be good leaders, the fact is that parenting is excellent training ground for leadership skills. As a parent you learn to plan strategically, negotiate, enlist cooperation and persuade – all of which you can transfer to the workplace.


17. SHOW CONCERN FOR OTHERS


Research [7] indicates that among the most important characteristics of effective leaders are compassion, nurturance, generosity, altruism and empathy. "Agreeableness" is a social trait and leadership takes place in a social context, so it's not surprising that these characteristics are so important for effective leadership. Women lawyers need to keep this in mind. All too often women are urged to "act like men" in working toward leadership positions. Be encouraged to learn that the most effective leaders demonstrate traits most often attributed to women.


18. DEVELOP AND MAINTAIN A SUPPORT SYSTEM


Taking the time to maintain supportive and close connections with others is necessary to attain and sustain the energy and well-being you need to achieve career success. At home, you'll need a partner who will agree to negotiate and share family work with you. Be clear with your significant others that you need their help in order to reach your goals. Being overloaded with family responsibility is as much of an obstacle to women reaching positions of leadership as is the "glass ceiling" at work. You'll also need the support of people you supervise - your support staff, paralegals, junior associates, etc. It's easier to recruit such support if you understand their needs and goals and treat them with compassion and respect. Compassion and encouragement motivate people much more than impatience and harshness. Learn to delegate well. Remember, leaders don't do all the work themselves: They effectively match people to tasks based on knowledge of their subordinates' strengths and aspirations. They are clear about their expectations when giving assignments. But don't allow perfectionism to derail good delegating. If you're not satisfied with the finished product, resist the urge to do it over yourself. Instead, return the work to the person who produced it and make sure that he or she understands your expectations. That way, you won't feel overburdened and you'll help the other person increase their own competence.


19. MAINTAIN INTEGRITY


Integrity may be the single most important characteristic of competent leadership; it's the sine qua non of a trusted advisor and effective leader. People are willing to be led by someone who follows through – someone they trust. Do what you say you will do. Don't promise to do what you can't. People without integrity may gain power, but they don't truly lead.


20. PERSEVERE


Persistence in the face of adversity is one of the cornerstones of resilience. Take responsibility for your own fate. Stay resolute in your values and goals and remain determined and self-disciplined in your efforts to achieve them. Persistence doesn't mean you never feel discouraged. Rather, it means maintaining your focus on the goal in spite of your feelings of discouragement. Like a marathon runner, you keep going because you believe in what you're doing. You simply will not give up. If your goal is to become a leader to help the legal profession become a truly diverse, welcoming and equitable profession, then don't give up. Your leadership is most needed.

Beyond Counterfeit Leadership: How You Can Become a More Authentic Leader

Notes:

1. Williams, Joan (2000). "Unbending Gender – Why Family and Work Conflict and What to Do About It." New York: Oxford University Press.

2. Hogan, Robert (2003) "Leadership in Organizations." Paper presented at The Second International Positive Psychology Summit, Washington, D.C. October 2-5.

3. Covey, Stephen R. (1989) "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People." New York: Fireside

4. Bennis, Warren & Goldsmith, Joan (1997). "Learning to Lead." Cambridge, MA: Perseus Books.

5. Seligman, Martin E. P. (1998) "Learned Optimism." New York: Pocket Books.

6. Wickouski, Stephanie, Esq. Personal communication.

7. Judge, Timonthy A. & Bono, Joyce E.( 2000) Five- factor model of personality and transformational leadership. "Journal of Applied Psychology," 85 (5), 751-765.

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